


Maybe It's Cherry Blossoms (And this Winter will be Over)

by Buzzie_enigma



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Chapter warnings, Dreams, F/F, F/M, Family, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, High School, Hope, Inspired by Music, M/M, Minor Character Death, Multi, New Beginnings, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Work In Progress, Young Love, bts - Freeform, light/dark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:02:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28056588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buzzie_enigma/pseuds/Buzzie_enigma
Summary: It only takes a moment for everything to change. Like stepping on a frozen lake, every step will either take you closer to safety; Or the ice will shatter and that step will be your last.Alec has spent a lifetime studying colors, but when the ice cracks, and the unthinkable happens, all those colors turn to black. Alone in a colourless void, he doesn't expect anything to change. He could never imagine a way out of the dark.But somehow, even the darkest canvases can still be painted on. Sometimes when we most feel like drowning in the icy waters, life throws you a colourful and beautiful lifeline.
Relationships: Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Helen Blackthorn/Aline Penhallow, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Simon Lewis/Isabelle Lightwood
Comments: 44
Kudos: 43





	1. The Other side of the Earth

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone! It's been a while :)
> 
> I'm sharing with you today a new fic I've been working on. I'll leave the explanation to the story but this was something I wanted to get out into the world before I start uni in January. It's been a while since I've posted so you'll have to bear with me. Hopefully this will be my ticket to falling back in love with writing again. As you know with me, this will be another fic with sensitive themes so read at your own risk. I'll do my best to give warnings for chapters and I'll make sure all topics are accurate and sensitively written.
> 
> As you may have figured out, or maybe not, this song is heavily based around the theme of the BTS song; [ "Spring Day."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEeFrLSkMm8) It will feature themes of mourning, recovery and learning how to find the light again.
> 
> Hope you enjoy.

[ ](https://postimages.org/)

One of the first things Alec had learnt in kindergarten was the natural process of the seasons. How all living matter were eventually broken down, making way for new life. 

In fall, the leaves of deciduous trees turned into vibrant hues of red, yellow, and orange. Nature’s Law of Return meant that plants would use up nutrients during the growing season, decompose and give those nutrients back into the earth when the season was finally over.

He remembered sticking soft green leaves into a book once, and how he’d ran back excitedly the next week to find them brown and falling apart.

“ _Why did they die?_ ” he had asked his mother. She had taken the tiny hand of her only son, squeezing it gently.

“ _Look, Alec_ ,” she rested him on her knee. “ _All living things have a time on this earth._ “ She turned to the next blank page of his book. “ _Even this paper came from a tree once upon a time._ ”

“ _Well, now I feel bad,_ ” little Alec had replied with big round eyes, “ _My paper never got to be a tree._ ”

“ _That might be true,_ ” his mother had smiled gently and pressed a paint brush into his palm. “ _But that doesn’t mean it can’t become something beautiful._ ”

***

The sweet scent of rotting leaves filled the air as Alec walked behind his siblings. Fall was a time of change, when the world prepared to go dormant and rest until better times.

Something Alec had always wondered was why everyone around him seemed to rush about quite so much. October term had barely started and yet distant calls and screams could be heard from the various students around him, all making their way to their morning lessons. Something he had learned was that a lot of the time, people ran only to realise that there was nothing there waiting for them in return. Run too far and you’d get lost; too fast and you miss the detail; Sometimes, people just needed to slow down and enjoy the scenery. Maybe the demons will catch up with you but at least you’d be able to admire the leaves changing colour as it happened.

His eyes raised from the pavement, scowling as Max laughed and skidded on the golden carpet beneath their feet without a care in the world. The youngest brother had been reluctant to leave that morning, memories of a warm summer swimming in the lake drained by the prospect of a freezing 7am start.

“Max,” Alec’s voice picked up with a smooth warning. Maryse’s word echoed around his head. Slightly in front, Jace and Izzy rolled their eyes, elbowing each other in annoyance at Alec’s attempt at authority. Alec looked down, towering over the young boy as he approached.

He kneeled for a moment as Max fought with his zip, Jace and Izzy long gone in a rush to find their friends. His voice softened and his hands replaced Max’s as he did up the jacket with ease. His little brother never did up his jacket and Alec was eternally damned into making sure he never got cold “Max, Watch you don't fall. The leaves are slippery this time of year.”

Max nodded in agreement as they continued walking. “That’s what Mom always says.”

Alec moved to stand between his little brother and the pavement, Max knowing what Alec was going to do next. They’d reached the final crossing in front of the school gate and Alec clung to Max’s sleeve. He moaned in protest but obeyed as Alec took his hand, instructing him to look both ways. Alec smiled, breaking his scowl as he ruffled Max’s hair. It didn’t matter if Max was nearly ten, he would always be his little brother.

Always.

***

What followed was a bitter winter. Record levels of snow were recorded as trees traded their leaves for white jackets. Alec’s teeth chattered, his hands hovering over his hot chocolate that had been so lovingly placed on the table. He took gentle sips, his insides warming gratefully from his view of the rest of the cafeteria.

Raucous cheering sounded from a few tables over. Usually this area was quiet at that time of day. When more students filed in for lunch later, Alec would usually trade his place for a spot in the library. He drifted between friends outside of school, attending his various clubs or hanging with his siblings; during the school hours though, he preferred to observe what was going on around him. He’d learnt a lot about people that way.

The commotion continued as he watched, two students approaching to meet the others. Something must have gone amiss to him as many of them hugged one another and the noise was reduced to quiet chatter and the holding of hands. Alec knew bad news when he saw it. One of the two late comers pulled out a chair for the other, helping them sit gently. They bumped heads softly, tears streaking down the standing one’s face. The one sitting down had an ashen complexion, favouring a loose pair of joggers and a shirt. They obviously weren’t staying long. By the time Alec had finished his drink and thrown the cup away, they had become exhausted and the two had slipped away again from the crowd.

***

As quickly as it came, winter was over and the frozen air seemed to thaw overnight. Despite still needing a jacket, Alec was perched on the wall outside with his lunch resting on his knees. Buds had just started to form on the branches overlooking the school yard, bringing a sweet new scent that brushed and tickled his nose.

“Thanks so much. I owe you one.” Jace hurried up to him, dropping his bag in favour of the lunch that Alec had bought for him.

“Jace, the last thing I asked you before we left the house was if you remembered your-”

Alec stuck his head around Jace, catching his attention. Jace joined him on the wall, his mouth already half full of bread. The same group that Alec had seen a few weeks back had gathered in the yard. The two brothers watched as the group made their way inside, one of them being pushed in a wheelchair. “Is that the person they’re all talking about?”

Alec nodded, taking a small bite out of the corner of his sandwich.

***

Halfway through the year, midterms were approaching and Alec couldn’t focus. The front door slammed shut, Maryse shouting for Max to be careful as he ran outside to meet his friends.

Alec stretched his arms with a click, his eyes aching after hours of work. Jace was complaining in the next room about something, Izzy answering back with a casual remark. Alec laughed softly, closing his laptop screen to the sound of Jace being thumped with a pillow; Izzy’s way of saying she’d had enough Jace for the evening and wanted him to get out.

He rolled on to his front, picking up his phone. His eyes skimmed over the school website, exam dates showing from when he’d searched them earlier. Scrolling down, he was met with an article and social media link. He pressed it curiously, flicking through the hundreds of comments and then the fund-raising page. They all read variations of the same message.

_‘We’re praying for you.’_

***

He’d just come out of his second exam when he walked through the cafeteria. The usual group of friends were in their usual spot around their usual table. It was eerily silent as Alec passed and they whispered amongst themselves, talking about hospitals, flowers and various treatment options that probably wouldn’t work. There were two empty spaces he noted as he stood behind them, searching in his pocket for some coins. The vending machine spat out his drink and after collecting it, he walked out into the early summer sunshine.

***

The funeral came a short while after that. All Alec remembered was standing in the warm rain and noticing the leaves were starting to turn brown on the trees. It had cleared up by the afternoon and they let balloons go with messages tied to the ends. In the evening he had stood on the school steps with a candle in his hands. The one left behind was on his knees, surrounded by his friends. All Alec thought in that moment was that he knew he could never face losing someone like that.

And then he did.

***

Present day- Two years later 

Asmodeus glanced upwards. Barely two sounds had made it from Magnus’ alarm clock before it was silenced with a deafening thud. His father was down in the kitchen, sipping coffee with his tie undone around his neck.

Another thud sounded, this one more like the ungraceful resonation of a teenage boy throwing himself out of bed. He followed the sound of his son’s footsteps across the ceiling, sipping his coffee to the serene moans of protest from someone who’d much rather be in bed until at least lunch time.

“Morning.” Asmodeus looked up from his paper as his son finally surfaced for the day. He knew he wouldn’t get more than a few syllables out of the boy at that time but it was worth a shot. “And how are we today?”

“Ugh.” Magnus dragged his feet with an animalistic grunt, his only current life goal being a beeline for the coffee machine. He was in his school clothes picked out the night before so it was a start at least. His nerdy black glasses were barely hanging on to the end of his nose.

“That bad, huh?” Magnus sat down opposite him, rolling his eyes with a piece of toast held between his teeth. His hair was sticking up in one spot. “Look at it like this,” Asmodeus continued, trying to make light of the situation. “This will be your last year.”

Magnus’ nose scrunched up as he yawned and dropped his toast. It may have been his last year in high school but he hated change. Also, lessons were never really a challenge for him and he knew it would be another year of sitting around and waiting for the rest of the class to catch up because he finished everything too quickly.

Before he knew it, everyone would be going their separate ways. He smiled half heartedly in an attempt of making his father happy, while rubbing jam off his knee and pushing his glasses up his nose, but knew it wouldn’t change the bitter feeling in his heart. Magnus had learnt over the past few years with experience that getting too close to people just meant you ended up hurt when they left. 

“And I just want what’s best-” Magnus zoned back into what his father was saying, checking the watch on his wrist. It was later than he’d thought. He rushed to finish his coffee while dashing around in an attempt to find his shoes.

Magnus was half out of the door as Asmodeus caught the handle and stopped it hitting the wall. “Don’t rush and watch the road outside. Remember there’s been accidents outside that school-”

Magnus was already down the path, fuelled by coffee and an innate need to get away from the silence of his father’s kitchen. “Yeah, yeah, sure. See you tonight!” 

***

Magnus arrived at school well within time for registration. His group of friends caught sight of him immediately, all wanting to talk and gather around him. His personal worries aside, Magnus had always been immensely popular amongst his classmates. The school was huge and housed a huge range of pupils; he never had to go far to seek people out and had his pick of the litter when it came to finding somewhere to sit for lunch.

“Magnus! Over here!” He turned his head, waving at one of the girls as she beckoned him over. Helen had always been good to him and since she’d found herself a girlfriend who could make awesome breakfast muffins, lately Magnus had found himself hanging around with the pair in the mornings.

“Magnus!” There was a shout from one of the outside tables. “Party at mine tonight! You in?”

“Obviously!” Magnus shouted back and there was a series of laughter. He had developed a bit of an after school reputation for his drink mixing. The hangovers that came the next day were less welcome but at least it helped him and his fellow students to forget their troubles for a while.

Magnus’ presence had already caused quite a stir as the large group made their way inside. Magnus was at the centre of it all, standing out and in the spotlight enough that he never had to raise his voice. Maybe his last school year wouldn’t be so bad after all. Besides, after all this time, nothing life could throw at him would really come as a surprise.

***

Alec finally reached the front gates. He didn’t know if it was because of the impending winter but the walk had taken him much longer than usual.

His breathing made little puffs in the air as he sped up and finished walking over the road. As he reached the other side he relaxed a little, unclenching his fists.

His siblings had left earlier today, forever tired with Alec’s intolerable attitude that now came with the walk to school. It was quieter than it used to be, the sky bleeker and the air slightly colder as he pulled his scarf over his nose. His backpack was heavy with the weight he carried on his shoulders each morning.

He sat down in his usual spot, preferring to wait for a few minutes after the bell had rang before making his way to the library. Although he had a free first hour on that particular morning, it had become a part of his routine. That way he wouldn’t have to face talking to anyone in the corridor and could choose a spot at the back of the class where no one would bother him.

He drew his black hood up, pulling his earbuds from within so he could blast his ears with music and drown everything else out. Mornings were for coffee and quiet contemplation. 

Alec retrieved a book from his backpack and brought out a series of graphite pencils. He’d been working on this new sketch for a while. It was something the leader of his support group had recommended and he was pretty impressed with how it was turning out. He put his head down, trying to lose himself in his music and ignore what was going on around him. There was a large group of students being particularly noisy on that day. They had gathered nearby and despite his headphones playing at the top volume, Alec couldn’t concentrate. He willed them away with his mind, wishing he could just be left in peace. He didn’t care that he was seen as a loner; an outcast. All he needed was to focus on getting through the day so he could get home and shut himself away in his room.

***

“What’s taking her so long?” Magnus tapped his foot on the floor, shifting his bag on his shoulders. The corridor had started to thin out as his class for the morning were still left waiting for their tutor.

“She’s probably just running late.” Helen checked the time on her phone. She could see Magnus’ neck was bothering him, the result of an old injury and having to carry his heavy school bag. He was on edge that morning and she could see something was bothering him about having to stand around. “Listen, Magnus,” she reached out to take his bag from him, “go and get yourself a drink or something. I’ll hold your bag and if our teacher comes then I’ll just tell her you went to the bathroom or something.” Helen teased him, nudging his side and drawing out a smile. “Not like she’d care, teacher’s pet.”

Magnus held on to his bag strap and considered what she had said for a moment.

“I can hold it for you, Magnus!” One of the girls nearby piped up, her voice high and sweet. Around her, a few of her friends giggled and elbowed one another.

Helen turned his shoulder so they could speak privately as she bumped his side. “Magnus, this has been going on forever. She likes you! Why don’t you ask her to the party tonight?”

“I told you I’m not interested-” His eyes went glassy, unsure if he really wanted to say what was on his mind. “Helen, I’m still in love with-”

“Magnus-” She spoke sadly. It had been so long now and she worried Magnus would never recover. She only wanted what was best for him.

“No!” he shouted firmly, shocking himself. The students around them all went silent as they looked in Magnus and Helen’s direction.

“I’m sorry.” He craned his neck again. “I just need a walk.” Helen reached out as Magnus held his shoulder bag and she took it gently. “Save me a space?”

Helen nodded, watching him set off. No one enjoyed the first day back and a walk before lessons would do him some good.

***

Alec was just putting his belongings back in the bag at his feet when he caught sight of a few of the guys in his year. He usually did his best to stay clear of them but if they messed with him today when he was not in the mood then he wouldn’t be responsible for his actions. The designated leader of them had got on Jace’s bad side last year during a very difficult time for the family and by default that had also dragged Alec into it.

“What do you want?” Alec’s voice held clear with a warning as the boys approached him. He didn’t want to be messed with.

“Just to see our dear friend.” One of the bigger guys caught his sight and before Alec could react, had swiped his bag from his feet. Another struck out an arm, blocking Alec and preventing him from getting it back.

He stepped away with his hands behind his head, resisting the urge to punch the guy who had been touching him. He was the nephew of the principal and if it came down to Alec’s word against his, he wouldn’t stand much of a chance. He tried to keep his face as nonchalant as he could. He didn’t care about the backpack really, they could do with it what they liked. His notebook on the other hand-

He had promised himself he would never give them leverage over him but when one of them pulled out the blue book and started flicking through it, his eyes welled up and they knew they’d got the better of him. The guys laughed, passing around the book and the subsequent doodles of two boys holding hands,

“Woah, what’s this? Something to tell the group, Lightwood?”

Alec growled under his voice, grabbing the boy’s jacket with the notebook still out of reach. “Give it back…”

“And what are you going to do? Hit me? Go running home to-”

A stern voice raised above the crowd. “He said... give it back!”

Who had said that? Alec didn’t recognise the voice. Then again, how long had it been since he’d tried to make friends around the school?

The boys laughed amongst themselves, turning to see who had spoken. One had grabbed the back of Alec’s hood, preventing him from getting a good look.

“Okay,” the bully said with a smile, “here.” He handed over the notebook as Alec was finally released. Not caring about anything else, his focus was on his book as he fought to smooth out the pages on his knee.

The boys turned to walk away but Alec was too distracted flattening out a crease to care what they were doing. He had his book back and that was what mattered. He could defend himself just fine but as long as he was going to be left alone he didn’t care who had spoken up.

The same voice spoke again. “Are you okay?”

Alec straightened up to see who had spoken to him. The next thing he registered was that something had shoved him from behind and he was falling, falling, falling unable to stop himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading <3 Please leave me a comment to let me know you've enjoyed
> 
> If you'd like to join in the fun on twitter, the hashtag is #BlossomFic


	2. I can't really let you go yet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who's liked, shared and commented so far. Your support has blown me away once again <3
> 
> Hope you enjoy! Here's chapter two.

Magnus was just paying for his peppermint hot chocolate when he noticed a commotion going on over by the tables. He watched for a moment, hoping the situation would diffuse itself. He didn’t know who was at the centre of it, or if some of the sports boys were fighting again, but decided to get a closer look.

His eyes grew wider at a notebook being held up above the crowd. The drawings caught his attention.

_Exceptional._

Magnus sipped his hot chocolate and moved around the table to get a better view. He recognised the owner of the book, not due to his face, which was covered and out of sight, but by the black hoodie that had always been rumoured to cover it. He’d heard whispers about the student, that he was unfriendly, unpredictable, violent even, but he was like a ghost to Magnus who had never actually noticed him around school before.

The clock above the cafeteria caught Magnus’ eye. He really should have been heading back; but the laughter had grown at the expense of the hooded student and Magnus wouldn’t have forgiven himself at the end of the day if he’d simply walked off. All he had to do was be forceful enough and maybe they’d decide to move away and leave the guy alone.

He approached the group, putting his hand to his throat as he cleared it. On second thought he placed his cup down on a table. His other hand was curled inside his sleeve, slightly unsteady as he planned to put his reputation to good use. He took a breath and closed his eyes, chin tilted up slightly.

He put his hand out, connecting with one of the boy’s shoulders.

“He said... give it back!”

The laugher hushed slightly as half a dozen faces turned in his direction.

There was about a two second delay where Magnus felt the world stop turning. Balanced on the top of his toes in case he would have to make a swift turn and exit, his ears drummed with each beat of his heart.

He suddenly wished he was either just a few inches taller or had had a few rounds with the punch bag that his father had bought last summer. It was still gathering dust, strung up on a beam in the basement. Was it too early to consider what eyeshadow colours he owned, and if they would work on a black eye if this went south?

“Okay.” The bully still holding up the notebook finally replied and Magnus let out a quiet breath of relief. The guy grinned, shoving the notebook against the hooded boy’s chest. “Here.”

Magnus was surprised at himself, but proud that he’d done the right thing.

A few of the boys moved away, whispering in dissatisfaction at their appointed leader.

The hooded boy was hunched over, frantically trying to flatten the book as Magnus approached him cautiously. He appeared so small despite his obviously tall frame. Magnus could just imagine the person underneath all the layers of clothes, lanky but shy and sweet just the same. Definitely not worth the reputation that he had been given.

Magnus tilted his head with soulful eyes. “Are you okay-” He barely registered movement and an outstretched hand behind the other boy’s shoulders.

Magnus knew what was going to happen but was absolutely powerless to stop it. Between two ticks of the clock on the wall, one of the bullies had snuck up behind the other boy and shoved him, hard. The smooth corridor floor had offered little traction to prevent him falling, or comfort to cushion the blow as Magnus himself took the brunt of the impact, but before he knew it, he was on his back with his new confidant draped over him like a soft warm blanket. The other students scattered as a teacher raised her voice somewhere in the distance.

“Fuuck, my head.” Magnus’ eyes remained closed as he rubbed the back of his skull. Something, most likely an elbow, was pressing against his leg. He let out a stifled laugh, trying to at least find some humour in the situation. “Are you alright?” He opened his eyes as the pressure lifted from his chest. His glasses had fallen off and he moved his hand around the floor until he found them, relieved they weren’t far. He didn’t know what would happen if he lost-

_Oh…_

Magnus saw a future where they bonded over sketching and music. Warm summers of sun kissed skin, ice cream, and jumping in the lake. A brush of an arm, slick from swimming. Moving a lock of hair from the mysterious stranger’s eyes as Magnus tried to help him deal with his tragic past…

A shake of his head and he let the lapse disappear. Magnus’ heart belonged to someone else and he was loyal to a fault.

It had been a while; Still, it didn’t mean he couldn’t check on the boy before parting ways with him.

From where he was splayed back on his elbows, Magnus finally got his first view of the other boy’s face, shadowed with his dark hood framed around it. Classically handsome, still slightly rounded in the cheeks with a boyish charm. He still had a tiny bit of growing into his face to do but, _oh_ , in a few years… Magnus could see it now. Those cheekbones no longer hidden… with a wicked smile to add to it. Magnus wished he could make him laugh just to hear him; to see one side of his mouth pick up as his eyes sparkled and crinkled at the edges.

He shook his head, bringing his bottom jaw back up. Way to look like a total creep.

_No, Magnus, you’re better than this. Where’s your sense of devotion?_

Two stunning hazel eyes stared back at him, wide with fear. No, that couldn’t be right, could it? What reason would he have to be frightened of Magnus? Was he hurt? The boy’s expression was vacant, obviously in shock at the whole situation. Magnus cursed to himself before trying to make a joke.

“You’ll have to excuse me.” He laughed, feeling a sting as he let his head bump back against the floor. “I’d like to imagine I’m the sort who’d take a guy to dinner at least once before dragging him down on top of me.”

The hooded boy on his knees let out a series of inelegant sounds. To say Magnus saw dust in the shape of a boy running may have been a slight overstatement, but by the time he had sat up and rethought hinting to a complete stranger his sexual preferences, both the boy and said boy’s backpack from the floor were long gone. Magnus was left on the floor, alone.

***

The only thing Alec could think of as he raced to his class was why he’d never taken up track. Okay, so it wasn’t the _only_ thing he could think of, but it was certainly the only suitable option while he was in a school corridor and both his cheeks were burning like red hot pokers.

Okay, so now he had a problem. The first thing he wanted to do was text Jace; Tell his brother that he had just managed to find himself on top of the boy he’d been crushing on for the past year? No, no, he couldn’t do that. He’d never hear the end of it.

He ducked into the bathroom to splash some water on his face, half wondering if he should just go to the nurses’ office and ask if he could go home. Although, what would he tell her? Self diagnosis of a case of gay panic? How he was right on the precipice of developing a problem down south of his belly button that could only be cured by a cute boy sent to examine it?

_Alec, focus._

He slumped back against the bathroom wall and slid down it as he tried to concentrate on his breathing. His hood had fallen back and he pulled it back up as he looked at his reflection in the floor length mirror.

_Just breathe…_

Resting his chin on his knees, he curled up in a ball and tried to regain his serious composure. He failed absolutely miserably and broke into a wide grin as he tried to hide his blushy cheeks.

***

“Hey, where have you been?” Helen looked up from her seat, Magnus throwing himself in beside her. “You’ve been gone for ages. What happened?”

“I couldn’t even begin to explain it if I tried.” Magnus looked under his seat for his bag and upon finding what he was looking for, tossed his pencil case onto the desk. Chatter around the room has ceased upon Magnus’ arrival and several students turned around to join in with the conversation. Due to cuts, some of their classes for the year would be combined with the students in the year below and Magnus had obviously missed the memo. There were some faces around the room that he didn’t recognise.

“You okay?” Helen passed him over a worksheet from the pile on the desk. “You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.”

Magnus muttered under his breath, moving his books and Helen’s as he obviously searched for something. “I may just have.”

“What’s up?” She reached over to his head and pulled the pen from behind his ear. “Looking for this?”

“Oh, thanks,” he let out a breath of exhaustion, remembering he’d left his drink on the table in the cafeteria. It really wasn’t his day. Their teacher began speaking at the front of the class and Magnus lowered his voice to speak with Helen. “Some jocks were messing around downstairs and pushed this poor guy into me. He managed to completely knock me over. Nearly lost my glasses.''

“Oh,” Helen sat forward, “are you hurt?” Magnus lied with a resounding no and a hand on his neck. The back of his head was throbbing. “Are you sure? Maybe you should go to the nurses office?”

“I’ll be fine,” he rubbed his eyes with his palms. “Let’s just get on with our work.”

***

Alec was leaning with one shoulder against the outside wall, almost recovered from the morning’s incident. The back of the school was quiet, leading to some trees and a park area where students always went to ditch lessons. Up on the wall was a huge graffiti mural that Alec had helped with around six months ago. He’d been going through a tough time and had loved the challenge of covering the brick wall with colour.

The early autumn sunshine had appeared in the past few hours and Alec’s hoodie was around his waist, revealing the black tank top he had on underneath. His lace up boots scuffed the ground as he waited.

Since he was in final year he’d been allowed to leave school to get lunch and had promised Izzy in the morning that he’d go and get them burgers. He debated pulling his headphones from his bag. For some reason, this area was the designated hotspot for highschool couples wanting some privacy.

Trying to keep his sanity, he tried to focus on his stomach rumbling and not the latest idiot that Izzy was making out with up ahead. Alec didn’t care who the guy was. Izzy could handle herself and it was far more likely that the guy was going to be the one getting his heart stomped on. He didn’t know if the guys in school found Izzy attractive or simply had a bet who could make her settle first. It wasn’t important since she currently wasn’t interested in settling down.

Alec swore under his breath. If he was interested in dating, or whatever Izzy called it, which he wasn’t, he was positive that he wouldn’t have kept one of his siblings waiting this long. He breathed a sigh of relief, trying to avert his eyes as Izzy waved the guy off with a lingering kiss and without a second glance.

“Are you quite done?” Alec held out the brown bag, now slightly wilted with grease. “Food’s getting cold and I have better things to do than watching you with whoever you’re parading around.”

“Meow!” Izzy took the bag and directed Alec to sit on the banking with her. “What’s got into you?”

“Nothing.” Alec pouted slightly, unwrapping his burger.

Izzy snorted, throwing her arm around her brother’s neck. “Exactly.” She squished his cheek affectionately, bringing out a smile only she could. “Aw, Alec, we really need to find you a nice boy.”

Alec pulled her arm away, trying to keep his face from going pink. It didn’t work. “What I need is food.”

Izzy poked his cheek. “You saw Magnus again, huh? I can't believe you’ve been crushing on him this long and never even said two words to the guy.”

“Heyy, we’re not all as forward as you are.“ Alec took a bite from his burger. “Besides, he’s crazy popular and I’m sure he’s dating someone.” Looking down shyly, he hit the soft ground with the heel of his boot. “I mean look at him. How could he not be?” He laughed sadly. “He’s so out of my league, Iz.”

“Alec, is there something you’re not telling me-” She wiped sauce from Alec’s cheek with her thumb, doing the best to cheer him up. Alec was so deserving and so full of love, he should have been able to land any guy he wanted. “Did you guys talk?”

“That’s it,” Izzy had barely taken a bite from her burger and yet Alec motioned for her to hand over her rubbish. He moved to stand up, in a rush to make it over to the bin in front of them. “I’m done talking about this.”

She hooked her finger in the belt loop of Alec’s skinny jeans, pulling him backwards. “No, you’re not, Alec.” What was with everyone throwing him around today? Alec conceded, telling Izzy everything except the fall and what Magnus had said to him while on the floor. Alec didn’t exactly know Magnus’ orientation but that meant neither did Izzy, and Alec wasn’t planning on outing him to anyone. “Alec,” she hit his shoulder, ”you should have tried get his number. That’s the closest you’ve gotten to him since you painted the sets at the student showcase.”

“It doesn’t matter, Iz,” Alec lied. It absolutely did matter. It was one thing to lie awake at night imagining a few sacred words with the guy, it was a whole other thing for Alec to know how it felt to lie with his head against Magnus’ chest. Izzy rested her head on his shoulder while they looked at the graffitied wall. “He’s with someone else, I’m sure of it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading ❤️


	3. Stay there a little Longer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Massive thanks to everyone who has read so far.
> 
> Here we go with three <3
> 
> //Mentions of minor character death

When school had finally let out for the day, Magnus had rushed home out of sight needing some much overdue alone time. His friends had been talking all day about meeting up for drinks before the party but Magnus wasn’t feeling like it any more. Luckily, news of concern for his headache had managed to get around and even though it had long gone now, he had an excuse to say he wasn’t feeling great and would be staying home for the night.

He dragged his school bag down the drive and into the house. His father wasn’t home but that was no surprise. He often worked late or away, leaving Magnus to his own devices. Many a Saturday morning had Magnus woken up to a wicked hangover and a house covered in mess and red party cups that needed cleaning up.

Most of the time he’d gotten away with it.

He threw his bag over the bottom of the stairs before crashing onto the sofa. Closing his eyes for a moment, he wished he could stay there until dark, but he had homework he needed to do and both a kitchen and a bedroom that needed to be cleaned before his father got home.

Summoning all the strength he could gather, he swung his legs off the sofa.

***

Robert cleared his throat, drawing the attention of his three children. “So? How was your first day back?”

Alec grinned, not able to help himself. “Izzy made a new friend.”

“Oh, she did? And what about you, Jace?” Robert motioned to his other son who wasn’t listening.

“Yeah, I met a new friend in the guidance office. He offered to show me some new bike trails some time.”

“And what were you doing in the guidance office?” Maryse joined in the conversation.

Jace grumbled. “Our new teacher doesn’t like me.”

“Jace- I really want you to try and stay on track this year. I’ve been on the phone with your head of year-”

Alec zoned out while his mother spoke, his eyes on the table space opposite. Maryse still insisted a year later on putting a plate there at meal times and while it was her way of coping, it wasn’t his.

“You okay?” Izzy spoke quietly from the seat next to him. She followed his gaze, hugging Alec as she bumped his head softly against her own. “I miss him too.”

“It was my fault, Iz.”

The volume in the room rose as Jace and Robert started to argue. Jace hadn’t done great in school the last year and while allowances had been made, Robert and Maryse had decided to sign Jace up to the buddy system. It was designed to pair up a high achieving student with those who might need extra help. Jace didn’t want to know.

“Alec, it was an accident-”

“It should have been me!” Alec slammed his hand on the table, making the plates clatter as everything fell silent. He scraped his chair back, wishing more than anything that he had his little brother to talk to. “I’m not hungry. I want to be alone.”

Izzy watched as her brother left the room and everyone went back to eating silently, used to Alec’s outbursts. She was the only one left on her side of the table.

***

Alec ran up to his bedroom taking the steps two at a time. The house was over a number of floors and by the time he’d raced up two staircases and a ladder to get to his attic bedroom, his legs were screaming for oxygen.

He'd paused once on the way, tears in his eyes as he looked at Max’s bedroom door. It had hardly been opened since that day and even though everything had been covered up and packed in boxes, Alec still hung on to the desperate hope that one day there’d be a knock on the door and he’d get his little brother back.

He laid against his pillows, breathing in the familiar smell. While Jace had dived into video games and insomnia as a way of preventing himself from having dreams, Alec had welcomed them and had spent the past year in a near constant state of sleep.

It was like a drug to him; the one chance to see everything like how it used to be.

Alec laid there for a moment, unable to resist the gentle pull of sleep.

_It had been an unusually stressful morning. The weather outside was dark and cloudy, casting the street in shadow and thick fog._

_Alec had woken up in a start, rushing downstairs still half asleep. He and Jace had stayed up late the night before, to play a new video game that had been released for download at midnight. They’d played into the early hours before they had accepted that they’d needed at least a few hours sleep and could carry on playing when they got back from school the next day._

_When Alec had opened his eyes, he’d somehow gotten dressed into his choice of school clothes for the day and had found himself standing in the kitchen. There was an empty cereal container on the table, usually set aside at the back of the cupboard._

_“Jace?” Alec spoke, knowing his brother had come up behind him. Jace was even more asleep than he was, his golden hair sticking up as he tried to figure out where he was._

_“Huh?”_

_“Jace!” Alec’s eyes jolted wide, swiping the container from the table. He held it up to Jace as he pointed. “This is Max’s! He was supposed to have enough for the morning! Did you eat this last night?!”_

_“What do you mean 'did I eat it?!' It’s what we were snacking on while we were gaming last night! When I came back into the living room and gave you the bowl, you never mentioned they were Max’s!”_

_Alec slammed the container down on the table. Maryse was going to kill them. Getting Max up for school had been such a task lately. Alec had been so tired gaming with Jace the night before that he hadn’t even noticed what they had been eating, hell he didn’t even remember it now._

_“I can't believe you!” Alec laughed with a degree of sleep deprived mania. “You always pull shit like this! We should have just gone to sleep when I said to!”_

_“You didn’t have to stay up with me! I could have played on my own-”_

_“You know how long we’ve both waited for that game! You could have easily waited-”_

_“Hey, you guys!” Max walked into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes. “Why are you shouting?” The two brothers paused, Alec panicking and throwing the empty container into the sink. “Is it breakfast time now?”_

_Jace yawned as he spoke, his hand over his mouth. “Don’t look at me. I’m not telling him.”_

_“What is it?” Max’s bare toes moved from under his pyjama bottoms._

_Alec put a hand on his shoulder. “Max, it’s not a huge deal, okay? We’re out of your cereal but I promise I’ll go get you some more as soon as school is over.”_

_“But-” Max’s lip wobbled. “There was plenty last night. Mom made sure of it.”_

_While Alec was sympathetic that Max was having a tough time with some of his classmates right now, Jace had a slightly more hardened personality and was growing frustrated with Max who couldn’t stand up for himself._

_Jace snapped. “Max! Alec said it’s not a big deal so why are you making it one?! Just suck it up and have toast for one morning!”_

_Max looked up at them both with a wobbling bottom lip. His eyes spilled over with tears._

_“Oh, good one, Jace! Now you’ve done it!” Alec put his arms around Max, picking him up like he had done when Max was a toddler. Max sniffled against his big brother's shoulder._

_Jace hit his hand on the table. “You baby him too much! He’s old enough to walk himself to school now, Alec! He’s old enough to have toast for breakfast and he’s old enough to brush himself off instead of fucking crying at everything!”_

_“Jace, that’s enough! I’ve had it up to here with you!” Alec swallowed, setting Max down. “I’m leaving early. You can all get to school on your own today because I’m not walking you.” He picked up his rucksack from the chair, taking one last look at them both. “I’ve had enough.”_

_It was only after Alec had long gone that Max had found himself hovering by the front door. Izzy had been taking all morning to get ready and Jace had gone upstairs to get his shoes._

_Max opened the front door as he looked out, one hand on the handle. The sky crackled with electricity as the oncoming storm began to set in. The first fat droplets of the day were hitting the ground, still not enough to cut through the dense layer of fog that covered the town._

_He rushed to pick up his bag. He had walked himself before, right? Everyone was busy and he was old enough._

_He pulled on his yellow raincoat, forgetting to do up the zip;_

_and took one last look back before running out of the house._

Alec rolled over in his bed, muttering and shaking his head in his sleep. The nightmare was just beginning.

Like an out of body experience, Alec stood on the upstairs landing.

_“Mom!” he cried, “Mom! Mom, listen to me!”_

-but he was trapped behind glass.

_“Run out in the rain!”_

Everything was muffled as he hit the invisible wall with his fists. She couldn’t hear a word he was saying.

_“Mom! Mommy, please, go get him!”_

_Maryse walked up to her son with a washing basket against her side. “Jace? It looks like Max and Alec have left early today. So don't worry about waiting for them.”_

_“What do you mean?" Jace's eyes were wide. "Alec left early this morning. I- I told Max to wait downstairs for us.” There was a moment of heart stopping silence. “Mom… Where’s Max?”_

_Alec sobbed on his knees, gasping for breath. No matter how hard he tried to warn them, Maryse and Jace couldn’t hear a sound through the glass. “My- my baby brother-” Alec collapsed to his knees._

Blood loomed against the cracks but he knew it wouldn’t be enough. As he tried to tear through the glass prison, the only thing that broke was his skin. Jace shot off for the stairs, grabbing his coat and preparing to run out into the mist. Alec knew there was nothing more he could do.

The rest came in shattered fragments:

_A little boy in an undone yellow raincoat running through the fog, the screeching of brakes outside the school, an ambulance siren, a small shoe left on the curb, and two police officers pulling Alec from his classroom; all accented with the piercing cry of a mother screaming for her child._

***

Nightfall had just approached as Magnus made his way outside, his slippers making soft sounds on the leaves that had fallen in the back garden. At the bottom and down a small path was a gate, old and rusted with age. Once he would have been too small to get it open but now he pushed it easily through the leaves.

The bottom of the garden led to a clearing in the woods, and miles and miles of forest. He’d never wandered far at first but over the years as he had gained more confidence, he had found the beauty in having the entire world as his back yard to play in. At first the slightest sound, the snapping of a twig or the screech of a wild animal, had sent him flying back home, but now he found comfort in being with nature. Years of wandering outside had made him strong and capable, and he’d spent many a night out camping unbeknown to his father.

It took a good twenty minute trek, so he was thankful the ground wasn’t damp and he didn’t have to go back inside to change into trainers.

Eventually he looked up at the treehouse he’d discovered as a child. It had been in tatters when he had first come across it, but with a little help, they’d restored it to magnificence.

He climbed up the rungs that were nailed into the trunk of the huge tree, enjoying the cool night breeze that swept through his hair. He’d always been at peace here. It was a place of sanctuary with no limits, where both him and his childhood sweetheart had grown up and discovered the world together.

He pushed the hatch open, surprised at how easily it lifted, and climbed up carefully.

He hadn’t been back here in years.

Other than a scattering of old leaves on the floor, their treehouse had lasted well. There were a few spots he noticed as he looked around that could probably have done with a recoat or patch up, but everything was how it had always been.

Well, almost everything. Something was missing.

It had been Magnus’ other half’s idea to rig up a solar panel on the roof. It hadn’t been cheap and had cost them both a good few years worth of birthday and Christmas money to buy, as well as funding from bake sales, yard sales and lemonade stands, but one of them had had the knowhow and the other the brains to get it working. The small heater in the corner had given them enough warmth even in the middle of winter but would probably need a good bit of work to get going again.

Magnus lifted his head, his senses overwhelmed with old memories. The scent of wood and old blankets made him feel more at home than his own house ever had. So much love and work had gone into the treehouse that they had made their own. To fill it had taken hours of dragging the old red wagon through the forest, layden with building equipment, books, snacks or whatever they could steal from under their parent’s noses. It had probably rusted and been left to the mercy of the woods now.

“God, I wish you were here.” Magnus dusted off an old cushion and sat by the window as he talked. This had always been their favourite spot because of the view of the forest. With no light pollution all the way out there, the stars were always incredible. It had felt like being on top of the world once.

Magnus pulled his backpack over, lifting out a tupperware box with a squashed cupcake inside. “Sorry it’s a little broken.” He pulled out a single cake candle and a lighter, holding them between his teeth as he did his backpack zip up. “It’s probably not a good idea to be lighting anything up here but I’ll be careful.” He stuck the candle into the cake and placed it onto the windowsill.

“I could have gone out tonight but I decided against it.” His voice was clear as he flicked the lighter, the only light for miles around. “I know you never liked parties, neither did I once, but I guess sometimes they make me feel less alone.” There was a lantern somewhere under one of the tarps but he didn’t care to look for it. “I’ve never liked silence. Unless it was a road trip or us lying on the old air mattress up here and staring at each other silently. Somehow when I was with you, silence didn't feel suffocating.”

Magnus watched as the candle flickered. A bead of wax ran down it.

“I don't know why but I expected today to be different. Your birthday was always a huge deal at school each year. But today no one even mentioned you to me and it broke my heart. Why’s it like the whole world has healed and accepted- and- and moved on in the past two years but I haven’t?”

“You should be here-” His eyes welled up, threatening to overspill. “You should be here, and I should be holding you right now and it’s breaking me. Everyone; teachers, friends, our parents, used to say that they'd see us married one day. It was you and me against the world, and now I'm fighting it on my own.”

Magnus looked down silently, wishing the past two years had just been an awful nightmare. They were all each other had known since they were four and now half of his heart was gone. As much as he tried to remember the good times, they were still overshadowed by memories of hospital visits, diagnosis and watching the person he loved more than anyone in the world deteriorating right in front of his eyes.

“All I want is for there to be someone who can understand me the way you did.” He paused, thinking to himself. He was so done with feeling alone. “Helen mentioned me dating again this morning and I wasn’t sure what to think of it. One part of me says that I shouldn’t even have to think about that yet but another part tells me that I’ve been on my own for two years and I know you wouldn’t want me putting my life on hold. I just feel so conflicted because even though I always have people around me, I still feel so alone.”

He sat there in silence for a moment. “Are you even listening to me?”

The candle blew out with a gust of cold breeze, making Magnus laugh to himself. He wiped a tear away with his finger.

“I don't know. It’s been on my mind for a while, but maybe I shouldn’t rush this decision.” He stood, taking half of the small cake for himself and putting it in his mouth. He hung out the window, sprinkling the other half in the breeze before going back inside. “You know what,” he wiped his mouth. “I’ll leave the choice to you.” He tightened his dressing gown, ready to head back for the night. He didn’t want the hassle of trying to inflate the old mattress and then having to spend the night on his own. It wouldn't be the same.

“You know what? When you think I’m ready, you guide the right person into my life. If it’s your decision then I can be brave enough to try and live again. You were always the one telling me life is too short, and Helen was right. You know that I’ll always love you, but I have to accept that it’s possible to love someone and still take the next step forward. Who knows, maybe I’ll date when the right person comes along? Or explore a bit? I’ll leave everything to chance. After all, usually people find one another when they are least expecting it, right?”

Magnus felt lighter as his feet hit the ground again, preparing himself for the long walk. He’d needed this.

The way back was lit by a trail of white lanterns and for the first time in so long, he let hope, the lights, and the fireflies guide him home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading <3 Please leave a comment :)


	4. An End to this Winter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, chapter four!
> 
> Hope you enjoy ❤️

The following morning, Alec was woken up by a burst of sharp sunlight.

“Yo! Alec, get up!”

“Hmph?” Alec barely held himself back from thumping his brother with his pillow. He would have if it currently hadn’t been over his own head; shielding his eyes from the bright light. Alec hated mornings. Especially Saturday mornings when Jace had no reasonable excuse to be waking him before midday.

Jace whipped Alec’s blanket aside and Alec thanked the heavens that he’d at least gone to sleep with boxers on. “Jace! What do you want?” He rolled over in frustration and sat up, snatching his blanket back to cover his legs. Jace had swimming shorts on and his shirt was unbuttoned. Alec knew what that meant. Jace and Izzy were going to the lake for the afternoon. “Oh, no. No, no, no, no.”

He could think of a million things he’d rather do on a Saturday morning.

Jace wasn’t taking no for an answer this time and pulled at Alec’s ankles to drag him. Alec resisted the attempt and clung to his bed for dear life. “Come on, Alec!” Jace grimmaced as he fought against his brother. “It’ll- be- fun! Izzy’s already got her swimming costume on and is ready downstairs!”

***

Maryse was just putting the finishing touches to her latest painting when Izzy came bounding down the staircase. Before greeting her daughter, she grabbed a cloth to wipe her hands. Her easel was set up in the living room where she’d had a great view of the trees outside. All of Maryse’s artwork featured plants or greenery in some way.

She observed Izzy’s swimming costume peeking out from under her shirt. “Are you heading out?”

Izzy set her bag down on the floor. It contained everything she needed for today and probably more. “The three of us are going down to swim in the lake.”

Maryse nodded. The lake was extremely popular with the older students in the school and was always crowded on warmer days. There was a rope swing on one of the trees, a picnic area, and the water current was slow enough that it never posed a risk to any of them. If Maryse ever found herself not able to get a hold of Jace or Izzy, a short walk to the water would usually result in her finding them.

“The three of you?” Maryse was shocked, wondering what Jace had bribed Alec with. Usually it took an army to get him out of bed, let alone the house.

When Jace and Alec eventually walked into the living room, it was obvious why Alec had agreed at all. While Jace and Izzy were all kitted out in swimming costumes and minimal clothing for one of the last warm days of the year, Alec was in one of his dark array of hoodies and clutching a pile of books and art supplies.

“Well, Alec’s not going swimming, obviously,” Izzy pulled her bag onto her shoulder. Alec scowled, “but you probably guessed that. Let’s go, boys!” She turned on the spot, gesturing for them to comply with her command. Jace followed behind obediently, looking forward to a few hours out of the house.

Alec went to walk behind him and thought better of it once Jace and Izzy weren’t watching. He turned around, hugging Maryse gently as he towered over her. He’d never be too old to hug his Mom.

“Love you, Mom.”

She held him tightly, closing her eyes. Alec may have been the oldest but she also saw him as the most vulnerable. “Please stay safe, all of you. I want the three of you back here in one piece by dinner.”

“We will. I’ll look after them, I promise.”

“Alec?” She brushed a piece of his hair back. He needed it cut. “Promise me you’ll look after yourself too. If you want to read on the embankment by the lake then fine, but promise me you’ll try and find some happiness for yourself. And I don't mean just today. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you, Alec.” Alec closed his eyes, holding her hand against his cheek. “I know you’re still hurting, we all are,” her voice wobbled slightly, “but shutting yourself away is not going to bring Max back. Life is too short to hide in the shadows and we’ve got to live well for him, okay?”

“I’ll try, Mom. I promise, I really will.”

She gestured to the door. “Good. The world is waiting for you, Alec. Go and enjoy it.”

He hugged her one last time and off into that world he went.

***

Trees passed by in a blur as Magnus jogged down one of the forest paths. He’d always loved this particular trail and while it was a challenge, it wasn’t so difficult that he’d have to stop and sit down before heading back. He welcomed the ache in his muscles, a sign that he was getting a good workout.

He’d packed his bag lightly, carrying just his bottle and a few snacks in case he got hungry. He slowed down, unscrewing the cap before taking a sip. The full heat of the day hadn’t even hit yet and he was sweating as he poured some water over his head.

He stopped and listened. He could hear screaming and laughter up ahead, as well as the sound of softly flowing currents.

“Maia!” Magnus appeared from in between the trees. He’d known Maia since second grade and she could often be found swimming laps in the lake. “It’s been a while!”

“It has!” Maia laughed, climbing out as if to hug him. Water flowed off her as she took in the sight of Magnus’ running gear, thinking better of it. From behind her appeared Clary, Helen and Aline.

“Wow! The whole crowd’s here, huh?”

Maia smiled. “We thought we would pack a picnic. The weather is supposed to start getting colder from tomorrow.”

“Magnus!” Clary shouted. “Are you here to come swimming with us?!”

“Hey, Biscuit! Oh, no, I can’t, sorry!” Magnus pinched the bottom of his running top. “I didn’t plan on going in the lake today!”

Maia joined the other girls back in the water and Magnus sat down on the bank. They were laughing and gossiping about something, and Magnus hated missing out. The lake was swarming with other students but none of them were paying any attention to him. Reconsidering his options, Magnus stripped down to just his boxers and cannonballed into the water, making his way over to the girls. It wasn’t like he hadn’t done it before. He left his glasses in his bag but he could just about see without them.

“Hey!” Helen laughed. She was play fighting with Aline and trying to throw water over her girlfriend’s head. “How come you changed your mind?”

Magnus kicked up his feet. The water wasn’t cold when you got used to it. “I wanted to talk to you actually.”

Helen squealed as Aline splashed her back. “You did?”

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about what you said yesterday-” Helen was distracted by Aline tying her hair back. “About dating. I’m starting to warm up to the idea that- well maybe I might consider it again.”

All talking ceased as the girls gathered around him excitedly. The conversation shifted as they all started discussing amongst themselves who they could set Magnus up with; what he could wear going out; ideas for winter formal. Magnus’ mind raced with too much too quickly but knew how the girls loved to go overboard when it came down to relationship planning.

With the sound of the girls giggling and enthusiastically plotting every aspect of his life for the next five years, he floated on his back and watched the sky quietly. He closed his eyes, allowing himself a moment’s quiet to drown everything out. When that didn’t work, he swam for a while. Then something caught his eye.

Magnus pushed his hair back from his face and squinted in the direction of the banking. The last person he’d expected to see today was the boy from the cafeteria. He was sitting on his own once again, just up ahead. Magnus felt bad as the boy sat there invisible to the world. Usually Magnus wouldn’t have ever considered speaking to someone reading and otherwise enjoying their own space, but on this one occasion he decided to take the shot. The very worst that could happen would be if the boy simply asked to be left alone. The best, well, maybe there was a tiny chance Magnus could end up with a new friend.

***

Alec paused the music on his phone, taking out the earbuds that were under his numerous layers. Izzy and Jace really had been right. The weather was warmer than it had been for a while.

He rolled the sleeves of his hoodie back.

Alec picked up his bookmark, putting it between the pages of what he was currently reading. The book had good characters but was a bit slow for his liking. It had apparently developed into a plot revolving around a man and woman in a relationship. He had lost interest not long after that.

Alec lifted his head. He was being watched.

“Hope you don’t mind me disturbing you.” Alec’s eyes widened as Magnus made his way out of the water. He didn’t have anywhere to run and Magnus wasn’t wearing an awful lot. Okay, he was barely wearing anything, but Alec was fighting every ounce of willpower he had to keep his eyes focused. “I couldn’t help but notice you sitting here on your own. I wanted to ask if you were okay after that fall the other day.”

Alec’s mouth suddenly felt like the Sahara desert, but he managed to get a few words out. “You’re fine. I- I mean I’m fine. I’m fine after- after falling. Are- are you fine?” He vaguely gestured to Magnus. “I mean- you look fine.” He rubbed the back of his neck as his face went warm. Well, this wasn’t going well.

Magnus laughed softly. “I’m good, thanks.” He eyed up Alec’s book. “What you reading there?”

“It’s not very good.” Alec spoke quietly as Magnus sat down by his side.

“May I?” Magnus put out his hand and Alec handed it over. “Oh yeah, I’ve read this. Tell you what,” he stood up, “ Give me a moment.“ Magnus disappeared and returned a minute later with a backpack in his hands. He pulled out a novel, obviously loved and very well worn, and held it out to Alec as he sat down. “Try this one. I’m sure you’ll find it much better.”

Alec stared at the book in Magnus’ hands. “I can’t just take your book.”

“No, it’s okay,” he smiled, digging in his bag for his glasses. He pushed them up his nose. “Oh, I can see you better now.” Alec’s heart leapt in his throat. “No, I want you to have it. I know it by word anyway, plus I have another copy at home. Please take it. It would be nice to know someone who’s also read it.”

Alec blushed slightly, holding the book like some form of sacred text. The book had been written over in pencil with Magnus’ thoughts and ideas. It seemed very personal, dare he say intimate, that Magnus was trusting him with his innermost thoughts.

“Thanks.”

“Oh, where are my manners?” Magnus held his hand out. “Now that we’ve spoken properly, I’d like to introduce myself.” He flashed what was probably an award winning grin. Alec wanted to scream into his fist. Where the hell was Izzy when he needed her? “I’m Magnus.”

In his head, Alec was jumping up and down, shrieking like a little girl with a crush.

_ Oh, I know who you are. _

He put his hand out awkwardly, nowhere near Magnus’, and Magnus had to move his own to shake it. “Uh- Um, I’m Alec. Or Alexander- unless that’s too long. I mean, you can call me that if you like me- name- I mean if you like the name.”

Magnus got up, moving to stand in the shallows. Alexander was a fine name but he didn’t want to step out of line. He gestured to where Alec was still clutching the precious book. “I hope you like it.” Alec took a moment to register what Magnus was talking about. ”It helped me through a difficult time when I wasn’t sleeping much. It’s got some good advice, you know, about life in general.”

Well, it wasn’t like Alec had any issue with sleeping, but maybe he would enjoy the story. He trusted Magnus’ judgement, although he wasn’t sure why. He couldn’t exactly believe they were talking at that moment. Oh, shit, was this all a dream that Alec’s twisted mind had conjured to mess with him? Magnus stood in front of the water in just his damp boxers. No, he wasn’t dreaming, was he? Maybe that was worse. Magnus was carrying this whole conversation on his own and Alec had zoned out completely.

Was he overthinking this slightly?

Magnus pointed to Alec’s notebook in his hands. He’d somehow grabbed it while he was panicking. “Your book. I wish I could draw like that.”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah. Yeah, my mother taught me, if you can believe it. Maybe sometime I could show you how I draw.” Alec wanted to hit himself around the head. How much lamer could he sound?

“I’d love that,” Magnus beamed and turned his head as his friends shouted for him. “Sorry, but I’ve got to go. Let me know how you get on with the novel!”

Magnus dashed off, leaving Alec to his own thoughts. He flicked through his notebook, still annoyed about the creases from the day before. He traced the edge of what he had been working on; the sketch of him holding Max’s hand. The faces needed a little work but fine pencil details were Maryse’s expertise, not Alec’s. He preferred throwing paint over the largest canvases he could get a hold of.

“Hey, Alec! You want to go get some food?” Izzy’s voice cut across the water as her and Jace raced to get to the banking first. Sure, now they decide to show up.

“Just a second!”

Alec browsed through his notebook, making sure Jace and Izzy were far away enough not to see. He turned to the back page. It wasn’t a drawing he’d planned on starting but he’d gone downstairs for a drink of water the night before and had ended up sketching with the moon through the kitchen window as his light.

On the back page, he had drawn Magnus from memory. He’d captured those few seconds perfectly. How Magnus had smiled and laughed while lying back on the floor. Alec doubted that Magnus would want to speak to him again after that disaster, or if he’d even be a good teacher anyway, but just in case, he pulled out the drawing, folded it carefully and put it safely into his bag.

He packed Magnus’ book away carefully, not quite believing that they had spoken. The smart, amazing and popular Magnus Bane had left Alec with not only a smile on his face for the first time in forever but had also left him with one of his beloved books.

What could Alec ever do anything to repay him?

***

Later that evening, Maryse passed through the living room to find her three teenagers crashed out on the couch. Full of food and in pyjamas, they’d planned to watch a movie and stay up, but the day had apparently been an eventful one and it had clearly taken its toll on them.

She grabbed a fleecy throw from the side, tucking each of her babies in tightly before planting a kiss on each of their heads in turn.

In front of the fireplace was a little memorial made up for Max. She picked up his teddy, hugging it softly before she placed it between the two brothers. They insisted they were too old for it now but on many occasions or long nights had she found one or the other cuddling it.

She never let them catch on that she knew about it.

Alec was clutching a novel tightly against his chest and Maryse squinted around his hands to try and get the title. He held onto it protectively, smiling as he relaxed with his cheek against Izzy's shoulder.

She made her way upstairs with the washing basket against her side. Robert had gone to sleep early and she could hear him snoring softly from their bedroom.

There had been an advantage earlier to the kids being out and she had decided to clean up and open all of the upstairs windows. Her daughter usually did a good job of keeping her room clean and tidy. The boys on the other hand were a whole other picture. She’d discovered whole new species while trying to sort out Jace’s.

Fresh sheets in her hands, she made her way up the steps and into Alec’s room.

She set what she was carrying down on the bed. Earlier she’d left the window open to air out the place but now night was approaching, the room was starting to get a bit of a chill. She didn’t like Alec’s room at night, probably because it was so high up. Trees would scrape against the building outside, casting strange shadows. 

The entirety of Alec’s room was made up with shades of black, white and grey; even down to the pillow cases that she held in her hands as she sat down on the bed. Her and Robert had left Alec to decorate his room how he liked it but during the previous year, Alec had found himself heartbroken and all colour had slowly drained away from his life. 

Maryse observed the wide array of canvases that covered Alec’s bedroom. Against the walls, against his dresser, even against the foot of his bed. Any space he could find, he filled with harsh, scratchy paintings, usually of bare branches or snow storms. She wished Alec would come downstairs and paint with her in the living room, but his artwork was something private to him, not willing to be shared with anyone.

It had concerned her at first, how Alec had regressed to a life of monochrome and darkness, but she had spoken with Alec’s counsellor and he had assured her that it was simply a means of release for Alec’s healing. It was more healthy than not that he had an outlet for his grief and a way to express himself. No one had the right to take that away from him.

She picked up a few things from around the room; a game controller as well as a few crisp packets and an empty deodorant bottle that she tossed into the wastebasket.

She decided that she would make up Alec’s bed for him. She usually insisted he’d do it himself but no doubt he’d forgotten and wouldn’t want to do it after coming back upstairs halfway through the night. There was a magazine under his pillow and she set it to the side. It was nice if Alec had developed an interest in male fashion. Although going by what he wore, it didn’t seem to be rubbing off on him.

Bed made and window closed, Maryse was just making her way out when something caught her attention. On Alec’s bedside table was a fresh paint palette, obviously made up just before dinner. She picked up the brush next to it. Was that- yellow? No, gold! She set it down and immediately started looking around for what Alec had been working on.

She looked around frantically. It wasn’t that she was barred from looking at Alec’s paintings. It was just that he preferred her not to, and she panicked as she moved one after the other, not wanting to be caught.

She’d just about given up when she noticed something covered up. It wasn’t a huge canvas, but that wasn’t the point. Why was Alec painting with gold?

She reached her hand out, approaching it slowly.

She grabbed onto the cloth that covered it.

Maryse pulled the cloth to the floor and her face was illuminated.

It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

Most of the canvas was dark like she had expected; wood grain streaked up and down, like Alec’s signature tree bark. However, in the middle of the painted door was a keyhole. Through it she saw ambition, longing, and the hope for a better tomorrow. It was if the painting had been captured from inside a wardrobe, with stunning tones of gold, glowing and signifying light on the other side after an eternity waiting in darkness.

Alec was on the very precipice of coming back to them.

She put her fingers to her mouth as she examined it, feeling more than a little choked up after all this time. She may have been an artist but it didn’t take an expert to interpret what Alec had been aiming for. He’d been running around in the dark forest for a long time now but maybe, with just a little bit of gentle encouragement, they could bring him from the shadows and back into the light again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading ❤️


	5. Snow in the Air

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone!
> 
> Thanks so much for being patient. Things have been a bit crazy. This chapter is a bit of a larger one so I hope I'm forgiven. I start my nursing degree on Monday but I'm going to try and keep my updates as regular as I can.
> 
> Thanks for all your support. It means the world to me <3
> 
> Here's chapter five.

For Clary, skating had always felt like flying. Since she had been tiny, long before she had even ridden a bike, she had begged her mother to sign her up for lessons. Her step father was the regional ice hockey coach and while she hadn’t followed his exact line of hobby, he was more than happy that Clary’s newfound love of skating had provided a chance for them to spend time together.

Every weekend morning since then had been spent at the rink, Clary laced and booted up before the sun had even had the chance to rise. She’d been an upcoming champion once, headed for greatness, but a broken ankle during preparation for the nationals at the age of twelve had swiftly put an end to her competing days.

It hadn’t been all bad. After all, it had been during that time laid up in bed that she had found her love of sketching and colour. Maybe she wasn’t destined to be a figure skater but she still enjoyed getting out on the clear rink before school. It had also allowed her to earn some money, clearing up and sorting skates on Luke’s behalf, who was always happy to have her around.

She was restocking the vending machines when she noticed one of the lights on at the side of the rink. Until she set them all on for the day, the area around the rink would only be lit up if someone was sitting under one of the motion sensors.

“Hello?!” She shouted. “Anyone there?!”

There was no response so she set the box she was carrying down on the floor. It was likely to be one of the up and coming talents who lived nearby, but no one was pencilled in on Tuesdays to be there for another hour. “Jace?” Clary walked into the light. Jace looked up with a boyish grin as he pulled his laces tight. “What are you doing here?”

“I spoke to Coach after football practice yesterday.” Jace stood up, wobbling slightly on his skates as Clary held her hands out. “He said I could come in in the mornings. He thinks I’m being too aggressive in games and skating might give me some discipline or something- I dunno.”

Clary looked on, concerned as Jace tried to make his way to the rink. She knew he hadn’t skated before and was trying to throw himself into it headfirst like always.

“Why so early?” She was curious, her hands behind her back.

Jace sighed, walking away from her. “I can never sleep. Besides, it means no one has to get hurt because of me if I fall.”

Her skates were on the bench, white instead of the standard rental ones which were blue. She kicked her shoes to the side and laced them with the efficiency only years of practise could have given her. Before Jace had even hobbled his way over to the gate, she was standing on the ice with her hand out.

He hadn’t always been reckless like this.

The two best friends had known each other for as long as they could remember; been through both the highs and the lows together. Jace had run onto the ice when she had broken her ankle during practice, carrying her to help; and Clary had held him up in the rain while he had sobbed at the loss of his brother.

He wrapped his fingers around hers gently as she helped him onto the ice, helping him to find his balance. As much as he always insisted he was fine, she’d never let him go through anything alone. Jace may have been stubborn, and reckless, and more than a little unbearable sometimes to most, but he had more heart than anyone else she knew. Jace was an angel flying on broken wings, and while she could only begin to understand what was going through his head that morning at 6am, she was at least the one person in that moment that knew exactly how to hold him up and guide him. 

***

Lunch time was just about over. Magnus was walking back to the boys locker room, after a lunch time dance session. Only one more lesson to the day and he could go home. He’d skipped eating in favour of practise with the dance team so bag slung over his shoulder, his stomach growled in anticipation for his final class and the end of the day.

He pushed open the locker room door and made his way over to the benches. The place was mostly deserted, him being the only guy on the dance team. There were a few guys around who had spent the past hour playing basketball in the lower gym. He could hear them shouting and cheering through the wall but they had obviously not finished yet.

As opposed to the combination lockers that were part of the main school corridors, the changing rooms had private cubbies without doors. Luckily, the guys never messed with each other’s stuff being out in the open but to his surprise, on that occasion he did notice something out of place. A piece of paper had been placed on top of his spare clothes. Helen sometimes left him messages of where to meet up after school so he didn’t think much of it at first. Cell reception had never been great in the old buildings so she’d usually ask one of the guys in the corridor if they could slip it in with Magnus’ stuff if she couldn’t find him. They’d teased him relentlessly about it until a few months back when Helen had come out about dating Aline.

Magnus picked up the note and unfolding it gently, he turned around to sit on the bench.

Immediately not recognising the handwriting, he’d then expected a note about one of the competitions coming up. It was late in the year now but after Christmas, there would always be huge math and English competitions against all the other schools in the neighbouring areas. Magnus had competed for his age group every year since he was young and everyone always fought with each other, willing to bribe and cosy up to him even, to get him on their team of four. Whoever managed to snag Magnus was almost always guaranteed a win.

Magnus’ eyes skimmed over the paper, his heart melting slightly. It wasn’t from someone in his math class; the note was from Alec. He’d loved the book and wanted to thank Magnus again, still shyly offering its safe return if Magnus had changed his mind and wanted it back. Magnus wondered how he had finished it so quickly; the thing was a good four hundred pages, and then smiled at the thought of Alec messy haired and yawning in his morning lessons from staying up the entire night reading by torch light.

There was an arrow drawn elegantly at the bottom, indicating for Magnus to turn over the paper. The bottom of the page had Alec’s mobile number and the offer of a deal if Magnus liked the idea. On the other side, Alec had left a beautiful sketch of one of the novel’s main characters. Magnus didn’t know if Alec had good judgement or if it had just been coincidence, but the scrappy bi-sexual knight was actually one of his favourite comfort characters. Alec had captured him perfectly, standing tall in pencil, with pale streaks of pink, purple and blue draped on a flag behind him. Magnus was ecstatic. Giving Alec the book and knowing he could potentially find a little part of himself within those sacred pages had been more than enough payment but if Magnus could keep supplying Alec with books to enjoy, and if Alec was willing to throw a stunning drawing his way now and then, well, that would just be amazing.

Magnus changed quickly, pulling his tank top over his head and replacing it with one of the smart shirts he usually wore for school. He’d been helping with choreographing today rather than working out which was handy because he was running short on time and it meant he didn’t need a shower before last lesson. 

He gathered up his things, throwing his shoulder bag over his head. Unfortunately he wouldn’t have time to hit the library before last lesson but maybe if he spoke to his teacher, who was super nice, then he’d be able to get some extra worksheets. Okay, so sue him, Magnus wasn’t exactly a typical teenager. Despite his slightly wild reputation, he secretly preferred to spend an evening with a good cup of tea, extra math work or a book, and a pack of biscuits.

He didn’t want to mess up Alec’s drawing by shoving it in his bag so instead held it protectively to his chest as he made his way out. His mind raced as he smiled and stepped out into the early autumn sun, trying to decide where on his bedroom wall he could put his new favourite piece of art.

***

“And how’s your eldest brother doing?”

“Good, I think. Well, he’s coping. I’m not sure if that’s the same thing.” Izzy lay on her back, staring up at the ceiling of the school guidance counsellor's office. This particular sofa had become like a second home to her over the past year.

“Well, I know you said he attends counselling outside of school, but my door is always open if he wants to talk.”

Izzy smiled gratefully. Today was her last mandatory session and while the coping mechanisms she had learnt over the past year had been invaluable, she was a little nervous about leaving the safety of the cushion filled room and being thrown back into the outside world.

“I’ll let him know.” She swung her feet to the floor, resting her face in her hands. “Part of me thought Alec would never come back to us after we lost Max. I used to torture myself every breakfast time, hoping he would come downstairs having crossed over some bridge or precipice or something. That he would be back to his old self again. I suppose it’s because that was my way of coping.” She paused, looking up. “You know I said before that I sat two exams the day after Max’s accident?” The counsellor made a note and gestured that she knew where Izzy was going. “Well, my way of coping was almost to continue like it hadn’t happened. If I didn’t allow myself to think, then I didn’t have to face him not being there anymore. These sessions taught me that it wasn’t healthy. Sometimes we need to face things head on.”

“I am glad that the sessions have helped you to see that.” She smiled softly. “But it’s also important to note that we don’t all grieve the same way and that’s absolutely fine. Maybe things will get easier over time, never easy but easier, and maybe you’ll suddenly feel like you’ve crossed over some sort of boundary, but if Alec’s method of healing means he needs to heal in fragments and cautious steps, rather than big leaps, then I know that you’ll support him.” The woman looked up at the clock. Their last session may have come to an end but Izzy was feeling so much more hopeful about the future. After grabbing a few leaflets and finally getting signed off, she waved goodbye and made her way out. The ground floor was packed with students all going home for the day and for a moment she watched them all going about their lives happily. She still had some way to go of course, but she knew where she could go now if she needed support.

“Hey, Iz.” Clary hugged her gently, Izzy joining her at her locker. “How did it go?”

“Great actually. I’m a little tired though. It’ll be nice to get home and just chill with my brothers. How was last lesson?"

"Algebra again," Clary groaned. "Turns out I read my timetable wrong. I thought I had sculpture class last and had packed for the wrong lesson." Izzy winced, knowing Clary’s math teacher was particularly mean. "Anyway, I have something here for you. I was going to give it to him first lesson tomorrow but it makes more sense if you do it." She handed a book to Izzy. "Would you do me a huge favour and pass this along to Alec?"

"Sure." Izzy read over the cover as Clary gathered her things quickly. The novel was pink and had two guys on the cover. There weren't any other pictures that she could see but Clary had annotated over a lot of it in pencil. "Is this for one of your guys' art lessons?" She raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"Oh, shoot!" Clary caught sight of the time on her phone. "I'm going to miss my bus. I've got to go and meet Luke at the rink. Text me later?"

"Sure." Izzy opened her backpack and put the book inside. "I'll make sure Alec gets it."

"You're the best. I'll tell my friend you'll pass it over for him." Clary closed her locker. By the time Izzy had looked up again to ask who it was from, Clary had disappeared into the crowd. 

***

It was halfway through dinner and Izzy hadn’t come home yet. Alec slipped his phone from his pocket, checking his clock for the fifth time. He knew there was probably a logical reason for Izzy's lateness, but his mind always tended to jump straight to the worst case scenario. It was something his and Jace’s support group leader had said was a sign of past trauma, and he knew it wasn’t always logical, but Alec always found himself on edge when someone was arriving later than planned. It was just his subconscious trying to protect him.

The table was quiet, Maryse and Robert speaking with low voices about something Alec hadn’t cared to tune into.

He cleared his throat, gesturing at Jace’s half empty glass. Jace was an awful eater and was pushing food around his plate. He shook his head, indicating he didn’t want any more to drink.

Alec picked up his own empty glass and made his way into the kitchen.

He stood at the kitchen sink, looking out across the yard. It had been dark for a good hour and his reflection peered back at him. Alec hated the late months of the year and would trade anything to have long days with warm nights and campfires again. It was nothing new; the long winter months had always been a drag for him. He just needed to find something to pull him through it.

He filled up his drink and was reaching to push the door open when Izzy burst into the kitchen. Alec barely managed to catch hold of his glass, tipping water all down his front.

Izzy grinned with her teeth clenched. “Sorry.”

“Thanks for that.” Alec grabbed a cloth from the side and made an attempt at drying his shirt. “Where the hell have you been?”

“I waited for you at the library for forty five minutes. I rang you four times. Why didn't you text me or something?!”

Alec rubbed his eyes. He’d been the one in the wrong place. “Oh, Iz, I’m sorry. I forgot I was going to meet you. My phone’s still in my bag.” He scratched the back of his neck. "My mind's kinda been all over the place lately."

“It’s fine,” she sighed, “at least I know you’re okay. I have something for you, anyway. And a couple of questions.”

“Okay?” Alec set the cloth down. Izzy pulled a book from her bag and put it into his hands. “What’s this, Iz?”

“I might ask you the same thing. Clary asked me to give it to you.” She tilted her head as Alec flicked through the novel. His cheeks went slightly pink as he read something that had been written on the inside cover. “So, you made a friend, huh?”

“What do you mean? I’ve always liked Clary.” Izzy gave him a look. “Well, she’s grown on me. A little. Over a long time.”

“You know that’s not what I mean. Is it from a boy?”

Alec ignored her as his cheeks reddened. Not just on the account of his parents being on the other side of the door. There were some things he hadn’t got around to discussing with them yet. “What’s that?! Jace is calling me.”

“Alec, no he isn’t.” She followed as Alec rushed past her. “Fine, but this isn't over.”

They both went back into the living room, Izzy greeting her parents. Jace could be heard from the sitting area, speaking on the phone. “Told you Jace wasn’t calling you.” She smiled, knowing she’d caught Alec out.

“Whatever.” He scruffed up her hair.

Maryse and Robert were just finishing their food and Robert offered to put Izzy’s in the microwave for her. The three of them left, leaving Alec who joined Jace on the sofa. Alec picked up a game controller and loaded his last save slot. Jace picked up the other, balancing his phone between his ear and his phone.

“Sure. Well, it’s not like it’s going to be for a while anyway. We’ll have to work out times and stuff. Mmm hmm. Yeah. Sure. Okay, bye.”

“What was that about?” Alec’s tongue poked out as he covered Jace’s character and they ran behind a wall.

“It was the dude they’ve chosen to do homework with me for school.” He refused to use the term ‘study buddy’.

“Oh, yeah. Who is it?”

“No idea. Didn’t ask his name.”

Jace led his character from the cover, running out onto the battlefield. They never got far with these team games since Jace always jumped out and sacrificed himself. The screen lit up red with the words ‘game over’ and Alec paused the TV.

“Jace, you dipshit. How could you not know his name?!”

“Well, we’re not starting until after Christmas.” Alec’s phone buzzed on the arm of the sofa. “I mean, I know who he is generally. Kinda nerdy. I know he’s a friend of Clary’s-”

Alec’s eyes widened, lifting from reading a text from Magnus. “...what?”

“It’s not that important anyway. He’ll just be staying over a few nights and we can stay up revising-”

“He’s staying here?!”

“What’s the matter with you today? It’ll be easier than us going back and forth. Besides, I’m sure he’s only doing it for school credit-”

Alec grinned, clicking send without looking up. The tips of his ears were red. “Jace, there’s probably a million things he can do to get school credit that’s preferable to doing homework with you.”

Jace hit him over the head with a cushion.

***

Hair washed and pyjamas on, Magnus was all set up for an evening in. His hair was wrapped up in a towel, a bowl of steaming noodles was placed on his nightstand, throwing a delicate scent of spices around the room.

He paced around his bedroom floor, mug of chai tea in one hand and his mobile in the other. He'd typed and deleted the message four times now, one too formal, one too relaxed, one too long and finally what he had settled with. He wanted to eat before his food got cold and had an inkling that he was stressing for no reason.

He read it over for the tenth time, whispering it to himself.

_"Hey, Alec. It's me (Magnus.) I was just wondering if you'd like to get lunch in school sometime? Or maybe grab a pizza somewhere if that's more of your thing. Maybe we can talk about those books. I'll leave it to you. Anyway, let me know what you think."_

He placed the phone on the nightstand, picking up his bowl. He made a few laps of the room, looking at it like some form of rabid dog.

Before he could persuade himself otherwise, he hit send. He took cover on his bed, scattering math worksheets and books as he ate with his blanket over his head.

The next thirty seconds were agonising, waiting for the screen to light up again.

It buzzed twice.

Relieved Alec was a quick replier, he set his bowl down and dragged his phone off the edge of the table.

_"Sure, that would be fine. Although we would have to make sure our lessons matchup this week. Would you prefer if we got pizza? Because I'm cool with that."_

Magnus let go of some tension in his shoulders, trying to play it cool. Alec was a new friend and he didn't want to send him running for the hills. He looked up, his new art piece pinned lovingly upon his wall. He knew what he wanted to say but would it be crossing a line? Na, it was just something friends did, right? He took a breath and hit send.

_"Pizza sounds good. There's a place not far from my house that we could order from. Would you like to stay over sometime?"_

***

Up in his room, Alec lay on his back and read the last text over and over again.

_Would you like to stay over sometime?_

Oh, now he was done for. What was he going to do?

Magnus' book, read twenty five pages in, rested vicariously over his chest. He couldn’t say no. Hell, he didn't want to say no. In fact, if Magnus had told Alec right then to _stay over_ that night _,_ he would be running downstairs with his skateboard under one arm and his pillow under the other. He could control himself. Magnus didn’t need to know about his little crush. What harm could it do?

There was only one thing for it.

He typed quickly, blushing as he shoved his phone under his pillow. Invisible to the world, the message sent from beneath his soft pillows and he fell into a gentle sleep.

_"Sure. I'd love that :)"_

Outside, the first flecks of snow began to fall.

It had been a long day and didn't take long before his eyes had drifted shut, light behind his eyelids and flecks of silver paint dusted across his knuckles. Against his wall stood a new canvas, uncovered as it dried with the image of coming home after a blizzard. A warm house, safe and glowing with freshly baked biscuits in the window.

A sanctuary in the storm.

Maybe this winter would be better, not as dark, not as lonely after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading. Let me know if you're enjoying the story so far. I'd also love to hear any theories you have for the upcoming chapters.
> 
> Stay safe :)


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